Games have evolved to a state where you can get jobs in them and – hey! – do boring and mundane things as you would in real life. If you’re anything like me though, and enlist to take on these jobs mid-game, you’ll do everything in your power to get sacked and have an easy life on the dole.
Except, we’ve found jobs where you can’t possibly get sacked, no matter how bad you are at them. If anything all you get is a ‘tut…’ and are told to do better next time. Failing that your employer just turns a blind eye, no matter how poorly you perform. Below are the five in-game jobs that are utterly impossible to get fired from:
Football Manager 2010
So there I was toward the start of the Premier League football season (IRL) and, by jove, Tom Hicks and George Gillett are being incomprehensible assholes towards my hometown club. When I took up the position of Liverpool FC manager in Football Manager 2010 however, I was asked a perfectly innocent question by a curious journalist during the pre-match build up to the local derby match. Here was my response:
Amazingly not a single word was uttered at the next meeting, or the sequential months ahead. In fact I repeated the trick later on in the season and Tom was ‘satisfied with my performance’. It wasn’t until I got the club to a Champions League final against Barcelona and narrowly lost that his patience snapped and he sacked me on the spot. The fat wanker.
Shenmue II
Crikey. Not for the first time in the Shenmue series, I found myself out of pocket and desperate for dough. I had to go and find a job to support myself. So, being a young, handsome go-getter, it would only stand to reason that I pick a mundane job lifting crates with some ill-tempered, lousy, sweaty cargo master.
Try as I might by acting like a disinterested sixth form student, I keep dropping the boxes on purpose in the hope that he will let me go home early on full pay. I drop them on his foot, smash the crates around a bit, but nothing I do gets me the sack. My spirit finally breaks, and I settle into my future career as… a crate-lugger, or something.
(Video courtesy of ScottishDuck17)
Spiderman 2
No rest for the wicked, eh. It isn’t all saving the day and getting a slice off Mary-Jane, Peter Parker has to earn some dollar too, to take her out on the town and show her a good time. So, like every blossoming scientist with incredible strength and a brilliant intellect, he resorts to delivering pizzas.
Donning super slacks, we deliver our pizzas cold, stop to beat up some criminals, and do our best to wind up our boss. But hey, how about that, Peter is the only pizza delivery guy available so we simply have to come back again in a minute and deliver them all again. Nine out of ten restaurants fail in their first year. How this guy is still peddling pizzas we’ll never know…
(Video courtesy of IndianaKatarn)
Ghostbusters: The Video Game
Ghostbuster or not, we are in the employ of the council and need to keep costs to a minimum. So how come none of my superiors are pulling me up for vaporising a classic chandelier? Or drawing a massive flaming plasma cock onto the hotel wallpaper?
The more damage we rack up, the more the likes of Venkman and Spengler laugh it up as though the city has a bottomless reserve of cash to waste on our follies. These are times of austerity gentlemen, and ghosts or no ghosts, it’s up to you to pull me up when I draw a big pair of tits on the ceiling with nuclear particles. I think I’m in the wrong profession – I need more structure than this…
(Video courtesy of lolololololrofllol18)
Blast Corps
Now this is a tricky one to call. Theoretically, we at Blast Corps are contracted to clear a path for a rogue nuke using whatever means we can, be it bulldozer or hulking giant robot. So, yes, our supervisor has told us to mow down everything in its linear A-to-B path. But destroying the surrounding buildings just for a quick hoot and to earn bonuses? Isn’t that a serious breach of contract and, essentially, property damage on a massive scale?
Again, our superiors don’t seem to care. It seems that the city will be invoiced for all the damage and destruction we cause, even though people will have no homes to return to once the threat of a nuclear explosion has been quashed. We are not doing our jobs properly. We are upsetting the insurance companies and bankrupting the nation. We are not heroes. And I still find myself in a dead-end job…
(Video courtesy of gameplaya15143)
