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The Five Best Bitch Fights in Gaming

Is there anything more hypnotic than watching two girls duking it out, Paul McKenna aside? If there is we’ve yet to find it. Fortunately for us, the gaming world is full of girl-on-girl grudge matches that always take it one step too far. Whether it’s a blood feud, vengeance or intense rivalry, the claws always come out when these lassies catch each others’ eyes. Here are our favourite five bitch fights in gaming:

Mileena and Kitana – Mortal Kombat

A simple palette swap in Mortal Kombat II grew into a vicious back story. Kitana, unaware of her lineage after Shao Kahn killed her parents and took control of Outworld, was introduced to her ‘long lost twin sister’ Mileena – the latter incredibly jealous of the former’s father-daughter relationship with the evil emperor. Mileena was nothing more than a clone, though, made with Tarkatan blood, giving her vicious fangs and Kitana’s looks. Disgusted at Shao Kahn’s weird science, the pair have been at loggerheads ever since, locked perpetually in Mortal Kombat.

Nina and Anna Williams – Tekken

More sisters – Nina and Anna Williams have been trading blows throughout the entire Tekken series. How best to explain the bad blood? It seems to be nothing more than sibling rivalry, with the older younger always coming out on top when challenged by her younger sister. Not surprising really, as Nina’s day job is an assassin, but Anna also has experience in making dangerous liaisons, working as a bodyguard for Kazuya in Tekken 2 and trying to assassinate Jin in Tekken 3.

Anna and Nina are split by only the pettiest of squabbles, though. Take a look at Nina’s ending from the first game, where they argue over a lost shoe. Women, eh…

Elena Fisher and Chloe Frazer – Uncharted

The first Uncharted introduces us to Drake’s love interest, partner-in-crime and journalist, Elena Fisher. The second game introduces us to Drake’s other love interest, partner-in-crime and scumbag, Chole Frazer. Elena pops up midway through the game, and the claws come out. Both have their eyes on our handsome hero, and both backbite, bitch and moan until the end of the game. Not the worst bitch fight we’ve ever seen, but probably the most realistic thanks to the well-written script. Naughty Dog’s writers have obviously been around temperamental women before, hitting the nail on the head each and every time.

Jennifer Simpson and Mary Barrows – Clock Tower

Frequently heralded as one of the scariest SNES releases at the time, Clock Tower tells more of a one-sided bitch fight, as adoptive mother Mary Barrows sets out to slaughter Jennifer Simpson and her young friends. She’s already killed Jennifer’s father, Walter, and given birth to two horrible demon children, so there’s nothing left to do but take down Jennifer and cover the world in darkness, right? In true bitch fight style, the pair end up slapping and scratching each other at the top of the clock tower, with the winner being decided by the decisions you’ve taken throughout the game.

Tifa and Aerith – Final Fantasy VII

The most monumental bitch fight in the universe – without a word ever being spoken. Both have their eyes on Cloud, with both showing their affection through insecurity, embarrassment and faux friendship. We refuse to entertain any accusations that Cloud is stringing both these girls along because he’s so utterly oblivious to their advances. So, instead, both girls feel awkward in the other’s company, with their minds no doubt blowing everything out of proportion, leading them to secretly hate each other. You took HER to the Gold Saucer, Cloud, instead of me?? Meee-OWCH, saucer of milk for table nine…

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