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Author Archives: John

I've previously written for Future, Dennis, Trinity Mirror, Steel Media and more, but feel there's something missing in the world of gaming journalism... It's therefore my mission to deliver it to you all via the, er, internet (I guess).

Uncharted: Golden Abyss for 79p? Oh, go on then…

uncharted-golden-abyss

Red faces at Sony tonight, as floods of people were able to download PS Vita’s Uncharted: GoldenAbyss for an incredible 79p. A keen-eyed observer noticed that the Golden Abyss Treasure Map DLC pack on PSN was actually the full game. Priced at 79p, lucky users were presented with the full game – a whopping 3,384mb of Drake’s latest adventure instead of some lame-ass DLC. We were lucky enough ... Read More »

Konami: ‘No Current Plans’ for Console Silent Hill: The Arcade

Konami: 'No Current Plans' for Console Silent Hill: The Arcade

I contacted Konami yesterday to see if there was a planned console release for Silent Hill: The Arcade. “It’s not on any current plans,” was the official response from their European PR handlers, Voltage – I suddenly had the urge to send them an immediate enquiry because I had just read House Of The Dead 3 and 4 were both ... Read More »

Five Signs That Batman’s a Manic Depressive

Five Signs That Batman's a Manic Depressive

***MASSIVE SPOILERS BELOW!!*** Arkham Asylum and Arkham City. Two of the best-selling games over the last few years, starring the world’s greatest detective, trained to the absolute limits of physical human perfection. But both games also have us worrying for the Dark Knight. We’ve suffered from mania (it’s no fun kids, trust us), and we can see the signs. There ... Read More »

Why Metal Gear 5 Will Suck MASSIVE Dick

Why Metal Gear 5 Will Suck MASSIVE Dick

That bastard Hideo Kojima depressed me no-end yesterday, when Eurogamer published a direct quote of his from an interview he recently gave to Official Playstation Magazine. “I think we’ll probably have to make it [a sequel to MGS4] at some point, but what that will be, we have no idea.” I cried. I turned on the oven and jammed my ... Read More »

Excuse me, where are my boss fights?

The original Dead Space - though few in number - had some brilliant boss fights.

*WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!* I’m irked. I feel a lot of key titles this generation have let down hardcore gamers because of their story-driven principles. Well, let me down at least. Maybe I’m just tired – I was up until 1am completing Dead Space 2, which EA was rightly lauded for. It’s an excellent sequel in a storytelling sense, but the ... Read More »

How The Black Eyed Peas Sum Up Kinect’s Failings

The Black Eyed Peas Experience is on both Wii and Kinect

Everyone has their opinion on motion controls and gaming. Me? I don’t mind it, really – but then again I don’t really play any games where motion sensing is a pivotal requirement. I play Wii Sports with my nephew for five minutes now and then, and I’m incredibly excited about Skyward Sword. But I do feel that for every Skyward ... Read More »

The Five Best Gaming Jokes in the Latest Simpsons Episode

The Simpsons, The Food Wife - Guts of War II

Our opinion of The Simpsons? It’s certainly waned an awful lot since the twelfth season, but we can forgive it. We grew up with it, it helped shape our generation, and it’s a cartoon for God sakes – put the pitchforks down… We still watch it, but more in the sense that we feel a duty to, like visiting an ... Read More »

Five Books That Would Make Great Video Games

moby-dick

Award-winning author Christopher Fowler, writing for CVG today, asks why more books aren’t turned into video games, citing them as an excellent source of inspiration. Fowler says: “Imagine a game of JG Ballard’s ‘High Rise’ in which the residents of a tower block go to war with one another. Imagine a game of MR James’ ‘Casting The Runes’, in which ... Read More »

Why There’s No Defence for the New Features in Fifa 12

Why There's No Defence for the New Features in Fifa 12

Like every modern football fan, I demand instant success. If my team loses three games in a row then I want to see the manager publicly hung, drawn and quartered, all from the comfort of my armchair. That also makes me brilliant at Fifa and Football Manager, and my opinion more important than the next fan’s. Of course I’m writing ... Read More »

Is There Any Way Back for Music-based Games?

Is there any way back for music-based games?

When we’re not whittling our lives away looking at porn, we’re usually doing a good impression of Scrooge McDuck. Credit and Debit cards in hand, we’ll scour the internet for the best gaming bargains possible, not just because we’re cheap, but also because we can’t be arsed getting on the train into town at the risk of finding nothing and ... Read More »

How Microsoft is Killing Gaming with Sinister SEO

How Microsoft is Killing Gaming with Sinister SEO

Never heard of SEO? We used to work in it for a living, and let us tell you, it can be a horrible mistress at the best of times. Standing for ‘Search Engine Optimisation’, SEO is the practice of optimising various aspects of your website so it appears higher up search results for certain search terms on engines like Google ... Read More »

The Two-tier Gaming Premier League

Why the Best Are Only Getting Better - And Why That's Terrible News for the Long-term Health of the Games Industry

Follow football? Then you’ll know how boring the Scottish Premier League is, with only Celtic and Rangers realistically contesting the title every year. The same two-horse race happened this year in Spain with only Barcelona and Real Madrid in the running. Remember how dull and predictable the Premier League used to be with only Manchester United and Arsenal challenging at ... Read More »

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